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Being Intentional: Do we really communicate our needs and wants while at work?
Thomas is confident and extroverted. Martha is an introvert. Thomas has made a planning change on a project that involves Martha and she is troubled by this decision. Martha feels that Thomas didn't communicate the plan change and Martha feels she is unimportant. Martha feels hurt and when she is asked what she would like to do about the situation, Martha shuts down. She fears conflict, thus refuses to communicate her wants/needs in response to Thomas. The communication barrier grows. Inter-personnel problems build. The workplace becomes toxic.
As a consultant, I work on communications within organizations. One topic that I come upon frequently in my work is the inter-personal issues between people. An issue will arise because of a breakdown in communications. Then, add the fear of conflict . My experience has been that people, regardless of their position within the organization, are uncomfortable with situations where there is potential for conflict. Being right, and not wrong, is a powerful force in all of us. But this avoidance of conflict creates an environment of frustration, anger, anxiety and distrust.
But it doesn't have to be this way. I practice some very simple principles with my clients that help improve communications and creates an environment where conflict is appreciated, not feared.
Here are some tips to help improve communications and diminish the potential for conflict in your workplace.
1.Be intentional in your communications
Make sure that as the messenger you are clear on the message you are trying to communicate. Think through your delivery and the intention of your message. Ask the listener what they've heard to ensure that you've made your point clearly. To further support the conversation, follow-up the conversation with a written communication.
2.Learn how to be intentional in your listening
Once you have communicated your wants or needs, sit back and listen; don't say anything. Listen to how the recipient(s) perceived your communications. Let their response be complete and acknowledge their response before moving forward.
3.Acknowledge the differences; look for the common ground
This is where listening becomes a powerful tool. When we are actively listening to others, we are not listening for our own judgments, impressions or thoughts, but rather we are listening for the thoughts, feelings, or needs of the other person in conversation.
4.If there is genuine disagreement, acknowledge that a disagreement exists
This is where we really start to communicate. Don't allow yourself or others to shut down or walk away. Conflict is unhealthy only when parties part without a resolution.
Miscommunication and conflict can create stress and strain on individuals or teams in any business, regardless of how big or small. Take time to think about what you need or want to communicate. Think about being intentional (having a purpose) when communicating and most importantly, learn to become an active listener to ensure that your needs or wants are being communicated.
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